I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Vodka?
Forever.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
