All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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