Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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