we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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