Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Randomize
