Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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