Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
