Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
