i barfeds in our rink
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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