I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
