its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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