I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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