He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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