I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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