dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Randomize
