dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
