cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
