I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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