I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
