Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
