Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
