I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
