how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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