Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
