i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
