Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
