The brown eye won't let me do that either.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
