Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
