I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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