It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
