Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
