my room smells like sperm. sweet.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
