so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize