There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize