Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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