seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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