My sheets look like a crime scene.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
