she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
