very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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