pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
