My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
