Cold hands, warm shart.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
