i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
