That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
