i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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