i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
