I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize