around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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