i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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