well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
