Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
