Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
