I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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