i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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