a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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