Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
