honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
