i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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