The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize