Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
