The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
