I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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