i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
