actually, I'm a sock model
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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