that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
