I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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