By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
