Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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