I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
