Capitaan dildo arrescate!
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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