it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
