I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize