Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
