well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
