Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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