frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
