I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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