filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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