if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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