Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize