giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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