Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
