i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
