Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
