i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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