either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
