Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
