I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
