So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Randomize
