Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
