i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
