I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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