My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
