I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
