We're facebook friends in real life
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
