Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
