This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
