I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
where are you?
Hypothermia
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
