i think my mom watched the whole time
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
